animo vacuo
by ReginaCaelum
Summary: Series of drabbles revolving Failsafe. Number six: "I'm sorry...for everything."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: disclaimed **

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><p>It seems impossible. It <em>is <em>impossible. She can't wrap her mind around it: she was _dead. _She felt her bones turn to dust and felt her lungs breathe her last breath and her heart jump into her throat before it all just—_stopped. _The bare arctic tundra was her last sight and Miss Martian's scream was the last sound she recalled and in one sudden flash of light it all _disappeared. _

The concept of nothingness took on a whole new meaning as she drifted: there was no sight, nor sound, or touch or taste or _anything. _No way to think or react or feel at all. Artemis became a being of the past, present and future all at once, without emotion or thought or meaning. She just _was. _

Waking up from that nightmare of utter silence was terrifying—and relieving all at once. She couldn't remember anything, but she would never forget it. She sucked in air in a rush, her heart restarting with a painful thud. Sounds bombarded her: Batman's deep rumble, Martian Manhunter's worry, M'gann's whimpers and loudest of all, Wally's concern for her. For her. And despite the fear of their mentors, the heaviness in her heart, that tone in his voice nearly made her smile.

Too much, her mind said, too much emotion and feeling and everything too soon after being almost nothing. She sat up, and her head swam. Everything was bright and blurry and she wanted nothing more than to find a nice, soft bed and _leave _all of this physical...stuff_. _The explanation Martian Manhunter gave was too much for her to comprehend, but the wary, bitter part of her murmured, _another gift she doesn't have to work for. _

Artemis ignored that, the same way she ignored Wally's anxious stares, closed her eyes and tried to block it all out.

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><p>Oh my God you guys, go watch <em>Failsafe <em>now. It's AMAZING. M'gann is suddenly a BADASS and there's Waltermis EVERYWHERE. I love it!

So I already stole, like, two minutes of your life. Leave a review and make us both happy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: disclaimed**

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><p>Sometimes Kaldur wonders why they elected him leader. It's not like he feels calm when he issues orders, or capable in combat when he stands next to his teammates, or brave when defending his team from Batman. Most of the time he feels like a fish out of water, and it scares him.<p>

Then—then Artemis dies. Vaporized to nothing but dust. She. Is. _Gone. _And for a moment, the world stands still.

But reality bites sharply almost immediately and again Aqualad is aware of the stinging snow and thin air and sounds of battle around them. And while Robin and Superboy are in shock, and Miss Martian and Kid Flash scream in agony, he orders calmly for a retreat.

And they follow.

When he sacrifices himself—it's not scary, like he thought it would be. It was always coming, anyway. And he knows, even as he takes his last breath and closes his eyes one last time, that they'll keep fighting: and that makes it okay.

Then he wakes up and nothing is the same.

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><p>Seems like this might turn into a series of drabbles revolving around Failsafe...thoughts?<p>

Also, I wrote a one-shot called WALLS and just posted it. Make an anti-social girl happy and review, yeah?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: disclaimed

**Edit 11/8/11: FF was being stupid and not letting me format properly, but it's all fixed now.**

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><p>It's been happening so long it's normal now. She wasn't a hero when Robin was trained, or when Kid Flash gained his powers. Artemis's story is a long and heartbreaking one, and Miss Martian's is somewhat the same. Although the side—<em>partners<em> are lacking in experience and, in some areas, skill, they're heroes in her eyes and no different from her colleagues.

But that's before M'gann calls her in the middle of the night, sobbing her eyes out, blubbering about a training mission gone wrong and how everyone died. Black Canary dumps her Watchtower duty on Hawkwoman and immediately beams herself to the mountain, where she's greeted by the disturbing sight of the little punks she trains and loves all in one stage or another of grieving.

Instead of marching over to Batman and demanding an answer like she so desperately wants to, Canary pulls Connor into her arms, the Boy of Steel so confused at how to deal with the faux grief. She holds him close and surprisingly, he hugs her back, clinging to her for dear life, breathing short and heavy in her ear.

"We saw you die," he whispers. "We saw you _die. _And I don't—I can't—what am I supposed to _feel?" _

"It doesn't matter," she murmurs. "Because I'm here."

Soon after, Artemis walks over on shaky legs, entire body still shaking. Wally trails behind her, green eyes huge and bloodshot. The archer shyly stands next to Connor, but almost immediately she's pulled between him and Canary, with Wally around her as well. Robin wanders over, the only sign of his distress the lack of a characteristic grin, and squirms between Wally and Artemis. Then M'gann joins them and finally Kaldur, enveloping them all in his steady arms.

And as her trainees, her _kids _try to overcome seeing their friends and mentors and loved ones die in one short, horrible mistake, Black Canary wonders when it became acceptable to send children off to war.

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><p>Please review.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: disclaimed**

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><p>Sure, things have gotten better: M'gann's not quite as much as a puppy, Kaldur isn't as condescending, and Wally isn't as annoying. Heck, she actually feels safe during a fight for once in her life, because she knows someone's watching her back.<p>

But waking up on that slab of steel and watching her teammates, her _friends, _look at her with eyes so broken…that put things in perspective for Artemis. Because never, in her most secret of dreams, did she imagine she would affect them so.

Growing up in a family of assassins and Shadows left a permanent hold in her heart. She had been taught that love was inconsequential and kindness an illusion. Before her stint as a hero, she watched her own back, and hoped her opponent didn't notice.

Now, she's more than a weapon or a chess piece: she's a sister, a daughter, a friend. It's a new and alien feeling and warms her heart so much it might burst. It doesn't matter that she technically just _died, _because she did something to them. Invoked some reaction, caused some emotion; she created something that is neither hate nor fear.

For once, she is a catalyst, and she belongs.

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><p>May I just say, I was <em>floored <em>by everyone's response to this drabble series. It was entirely unexpected but wholly appreciated. While I usually reply to reviews, I haven't yet as it's the middle of the week (ugh) and I have a policy. But thank you _so _much for all the reviews; replies are coming, I promise!

Now, one question: if you guys love _this _story so much, WHY NO REVIEW WALLS? Seriously, I hate to whine, but literally twenty people have favorited it and I've had two God-given reviews. So, _please, _make my rainy, sucky week better, and...

Review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: disclaimed**

Thank you all so much for your support! Replies should be out by now, but should they not please let me know.

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><p>Robin's always been a fighter, and a smart one at that. He learned quickly that if he didn't banish any and all thought and concentrate solely on the fight at hand, he'd die—simple as that.<p>

But this grief that's raging though him—for Artemis, for Kaldur, for Batman and Connor and Canary and all the heroes and civilians they'll leave behind—doesn't distract him, for once. Instead, it sharpens his determination until he's so focused that Wally's very presence is a shock.

Then Robin realizes he's going to die fighting for his people, his family, but he won't die alone, and suddenly he's so much braver. Because Batman may be his mentor, Bruce may be his father, Babs his best friend, Kaldur and Artemis and M'gann and Roy and Connor his comrades…

…but Wally's his brother, and there's no one he'd rather die beside.

So he looks in those oh-so-green eyes and they say nothing, because everything that's needed to be said has already been. They turn to the wall of fire and Robin is not afraid.

And then he wakes up.

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><p>I'll be honest, it was tricky writing this one. RobinDick has so many relationships with so many characters, each of them complex and dynamic and ever-changing, that trying to pin each one with labels is near-impossible. The way I see it, Batman wouldn't want to die beside Robin because in Batman's eyes, he's failed Dick. And Wally and Dick have known each other for a _loooong _time; they've been through a lot together, so I found it fitting that they "died" together-it says something for their relationship, at least.

However, should Babs have been Batgirl in this episode, I don't care what actually happened, they would've died together. :3

Please review.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: disclaimed **

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><p>"What's your problem?" She demands one day, hands on her hips. "Everyone else can't seem to get enough of me since…" Uncomfortably, not wanting to name The Event, she stutters, "You know. But you've been so distant." She kneels so their eyes are level, although his chin is pointed down. "Are you mad at me?"<p>

Robin opens his mouth, trying to find the words, then closes it. His back is hunched, and he's staring dully ahead. He's too quiet. "I'm sorry," he finally says.

Artemis shifts her positioning to something more questioning. "What?"

He takes a shaky breath. "You know…how Wally reacted. And Megan." He senses, rather than hears, her hum in comprehension. "Even Kal and Connor were…upset. Your…death…was what made everything fall apart."

She looks down, as if in shame. "I know, and I'm so _sorry—" _

"But you shouldn't be!" he exclaims. "You didn't do anything wrong! You were just in the wrong place at—at the wrong time and you couldn't have done anything about it. It wasn't your fault."

A sad smile twists at her lips, and he knows she doesn't believe him.

"But everything—everything _did _fall apart," he continues in a whisper. "And for once, I was so, _so _happy that I wasn't leader, that I didn't have to make the decisions Kaldur did." Meekly, he raises his head and stares into her sorrowful eyes. "Then he died and—and I lied to Wally. I knew—I _knew _that it wasn't that easy, that it was too simple for everyone to be alive." He laughs bitterly, staring downwards again. "Wally probably knew it to, but he wanted—_needed—_you to be alive. So he told himself that you were all on that mothership, and I went along with it."

Quiet reigns for a moment. Artemis whispers, "Why?"

The dam bursts. "Because we needed to destroy that ship!" he snaps, standing up. She backs up a few steps, eyes wary. "And if he didn't help, we'd never be able to destroy it! It had to be destroyed!" Suddenly his eyes burn and he's so tired. Just as quickly as he stood up, he sits down. "It did," he mutters, cradling his head in his hands.

She sits beside him, and for a moment, he's content to just listen to her breathe. At last he says, "And the only way he'd help is if he thought you were on that ship. So I let him think that you were alive so I could get up there and blow it up. I'm so sorry. For—for using you to lie to him. For killing my best friend. For…" he glances at her shyly. "For not crying."

Gold hair shimmers as she nods in thought, blinking slowly. "You did what you had to do," she tells him eventually, grey eyes so wise. "And that's more important."

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><p>My best chapter yet, I think.<p>

Please review.


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